break my heart!

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear my future husband Jet talking about his wife and 17-month-old daughter on The Amazing Race last night.  I'd appreciate it if you'd all help me continue to live in my state of denial.

Anyway, WOAH.  Holy good episode.  The teams headed off to Shanghai and had to do a series of non-physical but incredibly difficult tasks.  Between noodle-making and dressing models at the fashion house and putting together a huge puzzle at the football stadium...it was an intense leg.  And I'm happy to say that for the first time ever watching The Amazing Race I didn't pick up on it being a non-elimination leg until Phil told the detectives that they weren't going home just yet.  Nice work.  I can't remember having a non-elimination leg this late in the game before?

And of course my wonderful cowboys came in first.  But let's talk strategy for a minute.  Brent and Caite, aka "the models", aka Miss Teen South Carolina and her doofy boyfriend, made a big deal about U-Turning Brandy and Carol (sending them back to complete an extra task) last week because one time Carol said something disparaging about Caite being a dumb beauty queen.  Brandy and Carol were eliminated as a result of that decision.

Okay, fine, take out your seventh grade aggressions, but that decision didn't help the models at all this week.  At.  All.  I say this with a heart full of love for the cowboys, but what kind of idiots do you have to be to not knock out the team that's placed first four times now?  And instead take out a team that hadn't placed first once?  On a reality show where you hardly ever see the other contestants, let alone talk to them?  I mean, they can take offense to people thinking she's a dumb beauty queen, but, um, you kind of are.  Hello.  Strategy is not about feelings.  I'm really hoping the detectives can make a comeback next week and send those dumb bunnies back on the stupid ship from whence they came.

I've barely been home at all lately, which leaves little time for things like cleaning and feeding my cat, let alone watching reality TV and writing about it.  I have a whole two and a half hours of 16 and Pregnant to watch!  Sacrilege!

Also: Bret Michaels?  Get better soon, dude.  Seriously.  For all his making-out-with-Playmates on VH1-ness, he seems like a genuinely good guy who loves what he does, and he has two little girls at home, plus people like me who won't be satisfied until I've met all the members of the Bret Michaels Band after a show at a casino.  Right now the only one I'm missing is Bret, so, you know, buddy, you need to get out of the hospital and make that happen for me.

To My Future Husband

Dear Jet:

Have I told you lately that I love you?  Sunday's The Amazing Race might have been the most exciting episode I've seen since I started watching the show.  You and my future brother-in-law, Cord, were in last place.  LAST.  PLACE.  You also were spared elimination in the last leg and therefore had to do a Speed Bump (one extra task that no other team has to do) over the course of Sunday night's leg in Malaysia.  So that's, like, double last place.  

I'm not going to lie to you, Jet.  I was worried.  I didn't think that you and Cord could get out of last place.  Last week you made some pretty dumb mistakes, and all the teams are doing pretty well now, and even though everyone arrived in Malaysia on the same flight so you didn't have a ton of catching up to do, your initial cab trouble at the airport had me biting my nails.  And I really love you (and your brother, but you most of all), and I really want you to win, because that million dollars would be great for you and me once we get married.  I know we haven't met in person yet or anything, but anyway, I hear weddings are expensive and some cash would help.

But then, oh, Jet, but then you came through for me like you always do.  You and Cord finished the Detour before I realized you had started the Detour.  This is when I really love The Amazing Race; when one of the tasks the teams have to choose from sounds so easy but is really difficult (like carrying sticks of incense up a flight of 150 stairs...did I mention the sticks were 10 feet long and crazy heavy?) and the other task sounds difficult but is really easy (run 150 yards balancing a pole on your forehead).  And you did it, Jet, and then my heart started to flutter a little bit.

And then you just had to sniff tea for your Speed Bump!  And bring the right tea to the guru!  And you did that and then you did the Roadblock and made a very pretty craft project out of coconuts and sent it out to sea and were back in your cab before any other team even got there!  And then you checked in and Phil raised his eyebrow and said you were in first place and my little heart just tumbled all over itself.  

(Do you think it'd be okay with Cord if you took me on that trip you won to Hawaii instead of him?  I can probably find a friend to set him up with if he's looking for a wife too.)

I'm sorry I doubted you, Jet.  If you promise to marry me, take me away to your ranch, and teach me how to rope cattle, I'll never doubt you again.

Mi corazon!  Mi amor!

Josie

Playing catch-up

Ugh, I am behind the times and lame in so many ways.  Here's what I've been watching this week.

Life: Okay, this probably doesn't fall under the "bad TV" umbrella but I could care less because this show is BLOWING MY MIND.  Holy crap.  I mean, between the adorable baby ibex escaping from the fox (I am not ashamed to say I was yelling "Oprah!  Don't kill the ibex!" while he was running away) and the frog that wraps itself into a little ball to bounce down the mountain, like, holy poo, the production value on this show is unreal.  Even if you think you don't like nature shows, do me a favor and check out at least an hour's worth of this series.  It'll make your HDTV worth every penny.  Plus, ibexes are adorable.

Kell on Earth: I hate to say it but this show is getting a little tired for me.  Kelly Cutrone is still fairly entertaining, but the failings of the company are getting old and I want them to hire a HR representative.  Then maybe they could do background checks to avoid hiring people who get arrested for stealing and to also find some non-crazies to fill the ranks.  Seeing their job interviewing process in this week's episode (a glass of wine and a "so you can do lifestyle PR, right?"), I'm not surprised anymore that half of their staff has quit or been fired since this series started.  I used to feel bad for Stefanie Skinner and the bags under her eyes for not getting any help, but it's abundantly clear that she is a sadist who has no self worth unless she is crazy overworked.  The season ends next week, but never fear, Cutrone fans: you'll be seeing her on The City on MTV in just a few weeks.

Be Good Johnny Weir: Why aren't you watching this yet?  Seriously.  I thought Monday's episode was going to be the last one of this series, but an interview I read with Johnny seemed to indicate there were more episodes coming dealing with the Olympics.  Monday's episode dealt with the U.S. Nationals, and (hilariously) Evan Lysacek would not allow the footage of his (not-so-great) performance to be used on Johnny's show.  So Johnny's Russian-reporter character interrupted to narrate Evan's performance.  I kind of hate Evan Lysacek based solely on this show.  And Johnny was robbed at the Olympics.  The end.

16 and Pregnant: You didn't think a week would go by without some pregnant teens, did you?  I managed not to cry during last night's episode...until the VERY END when the girl was talking to her mom about how she should have listened to her about not having sex with her boyfriend.  Damn you, 16 and Pregnant!  Other then the surprising realization that many of the girls don't have that maybe Mom was right trying to keep me from having unprotected sex, I didn't find the episode all that notable; probably the weakest one of the second season for me so far.

Oh, and one of the annoying pretty teams got the well-deserved boot on The Amazing Race, plus there was that whole health care thing that happened this week, which was kind of cool.

The Amazing Race: I Think We're Fighting the Germans, Right?

If there's not going to be football on Sundays, at least there's The Amazing Race.  Imagine how great it is for me when I can watch football AND teams of two racing around the world all in one day!  What I love about TAR is that they've figured out a way to have a formulaic show but still have every season be fresh and fun.

One way to do that?  COSTUMES!  Tonight the Racers donned not one, but TWO funny outfits for the day's tasks.  The second outfit is now a close second to the traditional Dutch outfits sported last season as the Racers had to dress up in bicycling outfits circa 1910.  Interestingly, both costumed challenges involved riding bikes.  It took me a little too long to figure out that the giant mushroom newsboy hats were that gigantic because of the bike helmets underneath.

My favorite team?  The cowboys.  Oh my gravy, do I love these brothers from Oklahoma.  They're running a good, efficient race.  They're consistent, which I really like, as opposed to the teams that are first place one week and then sixth place the next week.  They're placing high and after a few silly mistakes early on, they seem to really have it together.  What a contrast to the models and the Big Brother teams who seem to have trouble with the fundamentals of reading.  Plus, they're beyond adorable and I do not object to seeing them in tight pants riding bikes.  Jet, will you marry me?  Thanks.  (My future husband is on the left.)

Quote of the night?  "It was pretty real for a detour." - Cowboy Cord, re: the World War I re-enactment challenge

The U-Turn popped up tonight (for non-TAR fans, first of all, shame on you! and second of all, teams are given the option to pick one of two challenges in a "detour," but in a U-Turn, one of the racing teams can send another team of their choice back to complete the other task).  It's a sneaky way to knock out a strong team.  I'm all for it.  It's a perfectly legal move, and it's a freaking race for a million bucks - I'd totally use it if I was playing the game.  I love that after 10 years of reality TV, contestants are surprised and still get their feelings all hurtsy-poo about the use of strategy.

As much as I love my reality TV shows, I have never had any desire to be on a reality TV show - until I started watching The Amazing Race.  I seriously want to be on that show.  All I have to do is learn how to drive a stick shift.  There's always a team that's screwed by the stick shift!  And my racing partner needs to learn to swim.  And we actually need to get it together enough to do the application.  And then we need to get picked out of thousands of applicants and get selected and pass all the background checks and psych tests and then we need to take 3 months off of work without telling anyone where we're going to run around the world.

But really it's the stick shift that's standing in the way.