OMG I know

It's been so long I've let my domain name expire.  Update thy bookmarks, sayeth the Lord, to this thy free blogspot address.

ANYWAY so here's what I'm loving in a too-many-Skittles-my-teeth-feel-gritty-kind-of-way:

1. Real Housewives of Orange County: the First Ladies of Bravo are officially caricatures of themselves.  I love it.  There's so much Botox barely contained in their foreheads I feel like someone's face is going to explode and it's going to be all over my living room.

   a) Did we really have to see Tamra and her vaguely hunky boyfriend boning in the bathtub?

   b) Does anyone believe Gretchen and Slade are really together?

   c) Is anyone else sad knowing that Vicky and Donn have split up?

   d) Brilliant editing during Alexis's family trip to San Diego.  "I love that my husband is the king of the castle!" juxtaposed with eye roll over getting the king more toast.  I like to picture 50-something dudes editing Real Housewives while drinking heavily.

2. Bethenny Ever After: obviously I love Bethenny, but who I'm really loving is Jason.  Like, I want to marry him.  He's fan-freaking-tastic.

3. Amazing Race: Unfinished Business.  Look, anything that brings back the Cowboys and the Globetrotters in the same hour of TV is fine by me.  Some of the challenges have been a little lame, but overall, I'm having an absolute blast watching this season.

4. Sister Wives.  This falls into the can't-look-away-category for me.  And for my mom and half of my friends, because during the whole show we're shooting text messages back and forth like:

"EW Jenelle's mom is Kody's dad's second wife?"
"How does Kody get away with a two seater sportscar when he's the dad of 19 kids?"
"Dude.  What the f*ck is wrong with these people."

Look, you can go on and on about how great it is to have all of these women around to support you and share a household with, that's fine.  But you can do that without all boning the same guy.  See: The Golden Girls.


5. Teen Mom 2.  I cried during Corey and Leah's wedding.  What?  Don't look at me like that.  It's normal!  It's perfectly normal!

6. Top Model.  I'm getting back into it this season.  Bitchy Alexandria and Louise Brooks lookalike Brittani are totally doing it for me.  FIERCE.

So I'm going to try harder at this whole blogging thing.  If I'm going to watch all this crappy TV, I might as well do something with it.  And since my only "good" TV show, Mad Men, isn't going to be back for like eighty billion thousand years, this is what I'm stuck with...



 

An Open Letter to the Ladies of New Jersey

Dear Real Housewives of New Jersey:

Look, last year was great.  It really was.  But things are different this year, and there are some things I want to talk to you about that are bothering me that I think you can work on.

1. If I have to hear Teresa brag one more time about all the sex she's having with her greasy goombah bankrupt husband, I'm going to throw some ham at the TV.  And we all know how Caroline feels about people throwing ham.

2. And while we're on the topic of Teresa, if there's any way to get her hairline a little further away from her eyebrows, I would really appreciate it.

3. And in a similar but opposite note, why don't you take the space needed for Teresa's forehead from Danielle's, because she has some stretched-taut room to spare.

4. Danielle: you are crazy.  Not only for the obvious reasons, but also because when you threaten to take your business away from a local boutique, you say "they'll miss my money."  Um.  I thought you couldn't afford to fix up your house to sell it?  How much money are you spending on clothes?  Could it perhaps be better spent on, you know, your crumbling ceilings?  I feel like Danielle's beyond professional psychological help here, but there's nothing here that a good financial planner couldn't fix.

5. Caroline.  You do not have an empty nest.  Because ALL THREE of your ADULT CHILDREN live at home.  Stop crying about it.  Maybe use that time instead to think about where you might have led them astray since, you know, they're over 18 and LIVING AT HOME.

6. And while we're on the topic of adult children on this show, why are they all useless?  And why are their parents surprised that they're so useless?  I mean, someone had to raise them, right?

7. Jacqueline needs to find something to do.  Besides complain about Danielle.

8. Actually, that goes for everyone.

9. In conclusion, I miss Grandma Wrinkles.

New Jersey, you're no NYC, but I want to love you.  I hope we can make it work.

xoxo
Josie

Truth vs. Fiction

I probably should have been watching Glee last night.  As a savvy media professional who spends way too much time reading up on industry news, they're probably going to take away my membership card for not tuning into this year's television phenomenon.

Here's a little secret: I don't really like scripted television.  The list of shows I've never really gotten into is endless.  Lost, 24, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The West Wing, Gilmore Girls, Friday Night Lights...I mean, I have tried.  I have tried to watch these shows.  But I just can't.  And it turns out, the only one-hour dramas I really love are the first two seasons of Grey's Anatomy, season one of Felicity, and currently, Mad Men.  Half-hour comedies are a different story, even though my consumption of those is limited as well, but nothing beats a good Golden Girls or The Office rerun.

Previously, I have publicly blamed this on the fact that since I went to school for TV and took classes in writing for TV, I just know too much about how shows are structured to really relax and enjoy them.  And that's partially true - my brain starts working overtime, picking out the A story and the B story and figuring out when commercial breaks are coming - but the real reason is bigger.

I find scripted TV boring.

And there you go.

I don't like the American model of scripted television.  Without having a specific end date in mind, writers are forced to endlessly expand a story that was always better told in two to three seasons.  I was really into Lost for the first season.  But that show was poorly, poorly served by not having a specific end date in mind, because the second season was terrible.  Terrible!  And I didn't have the patience to stick with it.  The same story with Grey's Anatomy.  The first season of that show was genius.  And most of the second season was too, because so much was going on and so many stories were being told.  But then you got to season three and we all realized they weren't even through the first year of their internship program yet.  That's when Shonda Rimes and company started spinning their wheels and things like Izzie and George, Izzie and the dead deer, Izzie and the ghost of Denny (basically any storyline involving Izzie) started to happen and it was bad.  Bad bad bad.

It's a bigger symptom of how hard it is for TV shows to make money, and needing to get to a certain amount of episodes to go into syndication or release DVD sets, but in the end, storytelling always suffers when there's no end in sight.  The Brits have it right.  Their TV seasons are almost like extended mini-series, which makes a show into event television and serves creativity by giving writers something to work towards.

Why do I love reality?  Because it's self contained.  Because the story goes on as long as people are alive.  Because I can watch 14 episodes of America's Next Top Model and be cranky with Tyra for a while but then my commitment is over, and some of you have been irritated by Lost for 6 years now.  (Clearly I have the attention span of a gnat.)

I also love reality because the thing I fell in love with in film school was documentary film.  And like or not, reality TV (especially things like 16 and Pregnant, Be Good Johnny Weir, etc.) is the new documentary film.  I find real people fascinating.  I find what real people do fascinating.  And my TV is filled with it.

So I'll download the latest songs from Glee, and I'll probably watch the series finale of Lost just to see what happens, but in the meantime, I'll be over here with my DVR full of housewives and overweight people and aspiring models and pregnant teens.

blogger's block

I want nothing more then to share catty tidbits about my favorite tee-vee shows with you, my fine feathered friends, but MAN, do I ever have a case of writer's block.  Said writer's block may be brought on by the insanely warm Minnesota spring that's keeping me out of doors, drinking cocktails, and enjoying the sunshine after nuclear winter, instead of indoors, drinking cocktails, and enjoying the fruits of my DVR.

But here's a few things:

1. Um, holy Mean Girls over on Real Housewives of NYC.  I got really, really uncomfortable watching all of Bethenny and Jill's confrontations in the last two episodes (which I watched back-to-back this weekend).  They're both obviously really hurt - Bethenny's tears just about did me in, since as previously discussed, I'm totally Team B.  When did Jill turn into such a hell beast on wheels?  Maybe this article holds the answers.  Next week looks positively delightful between Ramona's crazy eyed runway walk and Bethenny getting herself knocked up.

2. Caite and Brent on The Amazing Race are...just...ugh.  Ew.  Can they please go home soon and stop torturing my TV every week?  And that'd make some more room for my future husband Jet.  Thanks, CBS.

3. Remind me to thank Tyra Banks for this season's crop of Top Model girls.  Between Angelea's Hammer dance and Alaysia's silver lame judging outfit and Anslee losing her poop over frozen veggies, it's been positively delightful.  (Coincidence all the crazy bitches' names start with "A"?)  I've always said the appeal of ANTM is watching tall skinny bitches lose their shit, and this season is living up to every one of my expectations.

4. A little birdie tells me Bret Michaels wept tonight on Celebrity Apprentice.  My DVR is already too busy on Sunday nights (between Amazing Race and Life) to capture the magic, but you bet your bandana I'll be checking that out on Hulu.  Perhaps a tribute to my favorite aging rocker will be coming your way soon.

5. On a business note, I am now the proud momma of the domain www.ilikebadtv.com.  Update your bookmarks thusly!  (Of course the blogspot address will still get you here...but why not make my $10 investment worthwhile?)

Playing catch-up

Ugh, I am behind the times and lame in so many ways.  Here's what I've been watching this week.

Life: Okay, this probably doesn't fall under the "bad TV" umbrella but I could care less because this show is BLOWING MY MIND.  Holy crap.  I mean, between the adorable baby ibex escaping from the fox (I am not ashamed to say I was yelling "Oprah!  Don't kill the ibex!" while he was running away) and the frog that wraps itself into a little ball to bounce down the mountain, like, holy poo, the production value on this show is unreal.  Even if you think you don't like nature shows, do me a favor and check out at least an hour's worth of this series.  It'll make your HDTV worth every penny.  Plus, ibexes are adorable.

Kell on Earth: I hate to say it but this show is getting a little tired for me.  Kelly Cutrone is still fairly entertaining, but the failings of the company are getting old and I want them to hire a HR representative.  Then maybe they could do background checks to avoid hiring people who get arrested for stealing and to also find some non-crazies to fill the ranks.  Seeing their job interviewing process in this week's episode (a glass of wine and a "so you can do lifestyle PR, right?"), I'm not surprised anymore that half of their staff has quit or been fired since this series started.  I used to feel bad for Stefanie Skinner and the bags under her eyes for not getting any help, but it's abundantly clear that she is a sadist who has no self worth unless she is crazy overworked.  The season ends next week, but never fear, Cutrone fans: you'll be seeing her on The City on MTV in just a few weeks.

Be Good Johnny Weir: Why aren't you watching this yet?  Seriously.  I thought Monday's episode was going to be the last one of this series, but an interview I read with Johnny seemed to indicate there were more episodes coming dealing with the Olympics.  Monday's episode dealt with the U.S. Nationals, and (hilariously) Evan Lysacek would not allow the footage of his (not-so-great) performance to be used on Johnny's show.  So Johnny's Russian-reporter character interrupted to narrate Evan's performance.  I kind of hate Evan Lysacek based solely on this show.  And Johnny was robbed at the Olympics.  The end.

16 and Pregnant: You didn't think a week would go by without some pregnant teens, did you?  I managed not to cry during last night's episode...until the VERY END when the girl was talking to her mom about how she should have listened to her about not having sex with her boyfriend.  Damn you, 16 and Pregnant!  Other then the surprising realization that many of the girls don't have that maybe Mom was right trying to keep me from having unprotected sex, I didn't find the episode all that notable; probably the weakest one of the second season for me so far.

Oh, and one of the annoying pretty teams got the well-deserved boot on The Amazing Race, plus there was that whole health care thing that happened this week, which was kind of cool.

My favorite Real Housewife

In four franchises and numerous seasons of Bravo's Real Housewives, one's alliances are bound to change. One season you hate Vicki of Orange County.  The next season you love her.  One episode NeNe in Atlanta is the greatest, the next week you're wanting to throw things at the TV because of the sheer stupidity of the things coming out of her mouth.

But one Housewife has always had my affection, and I think that will never change: Bethenny Frankel.  In the past few years, I have had the opportunity to meet a fair amount of weirdly famous people, and I am not even kidding when I say meeting Bethenny was definitely a highlight.

Look, proof!  (I wish I owned that necklace.  I borrowed it for the evening and whenever I see this picture I'm like...oh, man, I LOVE THAT NECKLACE.)

Here's what I love about Bethenny: that person you see on Real Housewives?  That's exactly. how. she. is. in. real. life.  The voice and the impressions and the gestures, I mean, it's hysterical.  As a fan and student of reality TV, I know what editing can do.  I've been manipulated by it into hating the villain, loving the hero, rooting for the underdog, and even though I'm aware of it, I can't help it.  But Bethenny, I think, doesn't have much of a TV veneer, and whether you love it or hate it, hey, that's who she is.

I think that's why I love watching her.  Real Housewives of New York City definitely has a different tone then the other franchises.  The women have this veneer of high society and there's definitely some serious money rolling through their bank accounts.  But as catty and immature as all the women of all the cities are, there's something way more Mean Girls about the way the Manhattan-ites deal with each other.  With the other cities, you get the sense these women just kind of hang out while they're filming and forget about all the feuds until they start filming again.  But it just keeps going in New York.  They've got some Page Six-shaped weapons and they're not afraid to use them, and the machinations and manipulations are just fascinating.

And in the middle of it is Bethenny, with a sarcastic comment and an eye roll and the "Seriously, WTF is up with these crazy harpies?" attitude.  She seems so self-aware of what reality TV is and how characters are made and portrayed.

Plus, she's freaking hilarious.  Gold comes falling out of her mouth every week.  That alone is worth the price of admission.

Follow Bethenny on Twitter @Bethenny
Check out Real Housewives on Bravo

16 and Pregnant: Lori

I thought I was going to be able to get through an episode of 16 and Pregnant without crying.  BOY WAS I WRONG.

Tonight's teen, Lori, couldn't decide what to do with her baby.  And in admirable procrastination faction she decided on adoption...two weeks before the baby was born.  I was a little uncomfortable initially in this episode with how much her parents were pushing adoption.  But then I thought - how often do the (adult) parents on this show actually tell it like it is to their daughters and stand their ground?  We've seen our fair share of shrill, overbearing parents, and pushover parents, and parents who don't seem to be all that concerned that their babies are having babies.  Lori's parents were actually pretty amazing at being honest with their daughter in a calm, straightforward way that seemed to eventually get through to her.

I felt almost panicky during the whole episode.  Will she or won't she?  Will she or won't she?  And then when it was time for the pissed off d-bag dad to say goodbye to the baby at the hospital, and Lori just would not let go of her son while tears were streaming down her face...dang.  She wasn't the only one crying.

It's a weird thing to say about a MTV reality show, but I really love the storytelling in 16 and Pregnant.  Even if the girls themselves aren't compelling, the raw reality of pregnant girls in high school, babies giving birth to babies, young women whose lives have imploded because of a few bad decisions breaks my heart.

The Amazing Race: I Think We're Fighting the Germans, Right?

If there's not going to be football on Sundays, at least there's The Amazing Race.  Imagine how great it is for me when I can watch football AND teams of two racing around the world all in one day!  What I love about TAR is that they've figured out a way to have a formulaic show but still have every season be fresh and fun.

One way to do that?  COSTUMES!  Tonight the Racers donned not one, but TWO funny outfits for the day's tasks.  The second outfit is now a close second to the traditional Dutch outfits sported last season as the Racers had to dress up in bicycling outfits circa 1910.  Interestingly, both costumed challenges involved riding bikes.  It took me a little too long to figure out that the giant mushroom newsboy hats were that gigantic because of the bike helmets underneath.

My favorite team?  The cowboys.  Oh my gravy, do I love these brothers from Oklahoma.  They're running a good, efficient race.  They're consistent, which I really like, as opposed to the teams that are first place one week and then sixth place the next week.  They're placing high and after a few silly mistakes early on, they seem to really have it together.  What a contrast to the models and the Big Brother teams who seem to have trouble with the fundamentals of reading.  Plus, they're beyond adorable and I do not object to seeing them in tight pants riding bikes.  Jet, will you marry me?  Thanks.  (My future husband is on the left.)

Quote of the night?  "It was pretty real for a detour." - Cowboy Cord, re: the World War I re-enactment challenge

The U-Turn popped up tonight (for non-TAR fans, first of all, shame on you! and second of all, teams are given the option to pick one of two challenges in a "detour," but in a U-Turn, one of the racing teams can send another team of their choice back to complete the other task).  It's a sneaky way to knock out a strong team.  I'm all for it.  It's a perfectly legal move, and it's a freaking race for a million bucks - I'd totally use it if I was playing the game.  I love that after 10 years of reality TV, contestants are surprised and still get their feelings all hurtsy-poo about the use of strategy.

As much as I love my reality TV shows, I have never had any desire to be on a reality TV show - until I started watching The Amazing Race.  I seriously want to be on that show.  All I have to do is learn how to drive a stick shift.  There's always a team that's screwed by the stick shift!  And my racing partner needs to learn to swim.  And we actually need to get it together enough to do the application.  And then we need to get picked out of thousands of applicants and get selected and pass all the background checks and psych tests and then we need to take 3 months off of work without telling anyone where we're going to run around the world.

But really it's the stick shift that's standing in the way.

ANTM Premiere, RH:OC Reunion, Be Good Johnny Weir

Here's what had me glued to my couch tonight.  Spoilers abound.

America's Next Top Model, Cycle 14 premiere: Taking a cycle off from crazy Tyra did wonders for me.  I love Top Model again.  Yay!  I missed the first 15 minutes to a DVR malfunction but I'm sure I didn't miss much.  I totally love it when they do makeovers right off the bat; then you can spot the criers.  Going forward I'm not even going to try recapping ANTM because there's someone on the Internet who will always and forever be the best at it.  Don't miss Rich Juzwiak's recaps; they're usually up by Sunday night.

Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Part One: I love watching Real Housewives cry.  If you were only looking at Tamra's forehead, you'd never know she was sad about her impending divorce.  I can't wait for tomorrow night when the men are brought in.  Gretchen + Slade = Creepy.  Tell 'em how it is, Vicki.

Also, sidenote: do you think Andy Cohen just walked into work one day and was like, hey, Bravo team, new idea: I'm going to be the face of our network on-air.  And then he went out to lunch leaving the rest of the programming department blinking, like, did that just happen?  I mean, how does the senior VP of original programming at a network cast himself as on-air talent?  Did he give himself a raise?  Does he get notes from anyone?  It's all very odd to me.

Be Good Johnny Weir: Caught up with episode "Big in Japan" which originally aired Monday night.  HOLY GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW.  If you're not watching it and you have the Sundance Channel, I soundly chastise you.  Chastise chastise.  Regardless of how people feel about him as a figure skater, he is the funniest person on reality TV right now.  There's a bit in every episode where Johnny puts on his Russian reporter alter-ego to interview himself (how post-modern!) and his team.   As the Russian reporter, he wished himself "good luck with porno movie."  Hee.  And he wears a blonde wig to do it!  Come on!  Awesome!

The fact that he was robbed at the Olympics is a whole other story.  His long program had me in TEARS.  TEARS.  And how can you not love a guy who skates to Lady GaGa?

16 and Pregnant: Chelsea

I don't know where MTV went to find this season's crop of girls for 16 and Pregnant, but those producers should be applauded. The sheer level of douchebaggery amongst the young fathers this season is unequaled by, like, anything ever. I mean, I'm a single woman in my late 20's and I'm shocked, which is saying a lot.

For some reason, tonight's d-bag dad really bothered me. Even more so then the borderline sociopath who picked a fight during labor with the girl's mom, or the guy who got picked up for a DUI the day after the baby was born. I think it was because on tonight's episode, you actually saw the horrible, awful, no good very bad text message (sidenote: do teenagers ever talk on the phone anymore?) that he sent calling his newborn daughter "that mistake." Ugh. When will they come up with the technology to reach through the TV set and strangle people? It made me so sad that he could care less about what he was missing out on with his newborn daughter, that he could be so callous towards the woman who had just given birth to his child, and that he had the cojones to do it over a text message. While being filmed by MTV cameras. Here's hoping that's enough to not get him laid for the rest of his fertile years.

Chelsea, the mom in tonight's episode, seemed pretty responsible, together, and so in love with her daughter - season 2's Maci? And her dad was awesome. I kind of want to take him out for a beer.

What I love about MTV is how amazing they are at telling the stories of people under 21. Look at the difference between Jersey Shore, Real World, etc. and shows like 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, True Life. The former are mostly alcoholic train wrecks (which I can love, hello, they brought Snooki into my life), but the latter are mostly sensitive, thoughtful, well-made looks at what real teenagers are going through in real life. While the girls in 16 and Pregnant make decisions I probably wouldn't have at that age, I can't help but respect and admire them for the choices they've made and for laying those choices bare in front of a national TV audience.

Haven't seen 16 and Pregnant yet? Check it out here.